More Canadian Foods I Don't Understand

Pickled eggs. Is this really the optimal way to enjoy the flavor of an egg? And yet there seems to be a sizable amount of people who enjoy this dubious snack - even going so far as to post recipes.

Fortunately, there's a way to get that taste out of your mouth. New York Flatbreads (yes, they're really from New York; they're from Westbury, not NYC, but New York nonetheless). Available
at The Forks.

How About Some Whipped Cream and Jimmies On Your Steak?

Here's another example of the peculiar predilection for overly sweet flavors I find at many Winnipeg restaurants. Shrimp with pineapple, grapes and peaches, really? Might as well add some chocolate syrup, whipped cream and a maraschino cherry on there. And this is one of the better restaurants in Winnipeg.

A Real Taste of Winnipeg

I was talking to a couple of Winnipeg moms the other day when the subject of bannock came up. "What on earth is that?" I asked. "It's a popular food in Winnipeg," they said. So, what exactly is this local delicacy? It's a fried bread made with melted lard that has long been, um, "enjoyed" by fur traders. I assume that whoever came up with this idea suffered from a bad case of tastebud frostbite. These days, bannock is often eaten by survivalists and the nutty outdoorsmen who celebrate the annual Festival du Voyageur, which is held in a park during the coldest month of the year (check out the appealing menu that festivalgoers will enjoy when they're finished sampling all the pea soup recipes). Incidentally, one of the other exciting activities at this festival is a beard-growing contest - I imagine it's kind of like watching paint dry. (Sort of like living in Winnipeg.)

It Isn't All Baconnaise

One popular delicacy which is found at Winnipeg Safeways is Baconnaise. This culinary travesty can be poured on anything from iceberg lettuce to French fries. But I'd like to use this post to write about some of the good food you can find in town, although I assume you're never going to eat it, since you're not going to visit.

True, there are a lot of heartbreakingly bad restaurants, and places that seem promising until you hit the main course, but there are a few bright spots. In my opinion, the best foodie-type places are Segovia, a nouveau tapas place, Billabong, an adventurous Australian restaurant in a dive-bar atmosphere, and the Inn at the Forks, which offers a side of jazz with the food. You can get a good steak at Hermano's. Avoid Sydney's, which clumsily executes a seemingly haute cuisine menu, every Italian restaurant including Buccaccino's, Mona Lisa and Bellissimo, and almost all Thai restaurants (except Bangkok Thai Restaurant - this place is consistently good). At Fude, the food is mostly too sweet (people have a fondness for cranberries on top of everything here).

For more casual fare, the various Stella's locations offer a pretty good breakfast (although the pancakes are overrated - they're much better at Billabong's brunch). (Note: Do NOT order eggplant parmesan at Stella's; it's the worst I've ever had.) There are good egg wraps and smoothies at Fresh Cafe, although I'm not a fan of the home fries or sweet potato latkes. At The Forks, there is a surprisingly good fish and chips stand. Confusion Corner Bar & Grill has good sweet potato fries and bison back ribs. Baked Expectations sells terrific cakes and cheesecakes, while Lilac Bakery (fashioned after Magnolia) and the new Cupcake Barista (bizarre name) have excellent cupcakes. Burritos Del Rio is fresh and cheap (it's sort of like Chipotle). Good Chinese food is scattered around town, but you will probably find most places disappointingly bland. Tasty Indian food is much easier to find - most people fancy the East India Company or Clay Oven. For Japanese, there are only two or so Japanese-owned restaurants, and one seems to be slipping. I've always had decent meals at Edohei, however.

(I was not impressed by any of the food I ate in St. Boniface, the nominally French area, but I have not eaten at In Ferno's, the most well-known eatery there.)

Before I close, I should mention that you really can't get a decent bagel with lox and cream cheese here, and certainly not a good knish or bowl of matzo ball soup. I am a New Yorker, after all...

Something Else I Don't Quite Understand About Canadian Tastes

A popular item at the Winnipeg Safeway ("The Grocery That Never Met a Trans-Fat It Didn't Like") is a Canadian line of - wait for it - flavored flaked canned tuna. There are seven lamentable varieties, including SPICY THAI CHILI TUNA! and SPICY PEANUT SATAY TUNA! The fourth ingredient in the "Thai" preparation is sugar. Just wrong. Wasn't poutine enough of a culinary affront?

"Authentic Italian Cuisine"

I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Winnipeg has a mighty strange idea of what constitutes Italian food. People have a regrettable tendency to add pineapple to absolutely everything, from pizza (VitaHealth sells a locally made "pineapple feta banana pepper pizza") to pasta. I'm amazed that someone actually finds this "gambieri" (sic) dish appetizing (restaurant shall remain nameless).

Fortunately, there's a knife-sharpening business a couple doors down, in case the only way to forget this horribly offensive flavor is to kill yourself.










That is, if a vigilante tattoo artist hasn't yet done it for you. (Tattoo artistry seems to be one of the main industries in Winnipeg - that and substance abuse counseling.)

A Food Post

There are hundreds of NYC-based food blogs, but I've only managed to find three based in Winnipeg: Winnipeg Eats, Savour Winnipeg, and Karen Food. To be honest, I haven't found that much food worth blogging about in Winnipeg, but I'll write at least one post about it.

• Food Delivery. In NYC, the local food delivery service is SeamlessWeb. Many offices use it to order lunch. In Winnipeg, there is Mobile Maitre'D. I was hungry for lunch the other day, so I called the service - and got a recording saying that if you want to order lunch, you have to do it 24 hours in advance.

• The Grocery. Mayor Bloomberg has been banning trans fats from NYC groceries, and he's also been on an anti-salt crusade. In Winnipeg, you'll find trans fats in everything from pie crusts to, probably, donuts (someone should call Tim Horton's to ask about that), and foods processed for Canadians apparently have a higher sodium content than for Americans, even when they are produced by the same companies. (So if I don't have a heart attack falling on the ice, that frozen dinner is gonna get me. Speaking of which - why doesn't Winnipeg shovel off its snow-covered sidewalks? Only the roads get shoveled.)
  

• Local Specialties. It's hard to say what the local specialty is in NYC, because there's such great food of all kinds. Winnipeg has a large Ukrainian population, so you can find pierogies everywhere.
  

I got in a rather interesting discussion about foods Canadians like that you can't find in the U.S. I'm not sure these are any great loss, but here they are: 1) "Ketchup Chips"; and 2) "Keel." "What is keel?" I asked a Winnipegger. "Well in the U.S., when you order a bucket of fried chicken, they don't even put in the keel. But in Canada it's the most expensive part. It's the part of the chicken closest to the ass." I knew there was something very wrong about this answer, so I Googled, and the Winnipegger was wrong... the keel is the cartilagey bit between the breasts of the chicken. Still sounds pretty damn unappetizing.