It's York Ave...

Except it isn't.

Today's Weather

Temperature in NYC right now: 32 degrees. Temperature in Winnipeg: -15. (That's without windchill.) I don't think I'm going out today.

Cabs

Here's just another little note. Cabs in Winnipeg are actually more expensive than those in NYC. In Winnipeg, the starting fare is $3.50, as opposed to $2.50 (although NYC cabs never used to have a nighttime charge or an extra fee that is supposedly going to the MTA), and it goes up in ten-cent increments about every other second.

Also, if you want to pay with a credit card in Winnipeg, the cab driver will pull out one of those ancient carbon-copy thingamajigs and hand you a pen that is running out of ink - nothing automated here.

One Advantage to Winnipeg

After a brutal 12-hour trip from NYC (flight delays oh my!), I naturally caught a bad cold. The only medication that usually works on me is Allegra, and I wondered how I might get some. Would I have to submit to an onerous clinic visit in order to get a prescription?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Allegra is available at Shoppers Mart without a prescription. In the U.S., people use it to make crystal meth, but it's so damn expensive in Canada that people sniff hairspray or glue instead. So, people who are genuinely suffering have an effective weapon in their arsenal against sinus symptoms.

Farmers' Markets

The Union Square Greenmarket is one of my favorite places to be. It's kind of exotic to think of the "countryside" while hanging out in one of NYC's busiest areas.

Here in Winnipeg, the countryside is not so exotic. That farmer who grew that pumpkin probably lives less than a mile from you. A pervasive smell of manure seems to hang over the town.

Today, I went to the St. Norbert's farmers' market. Maybe it's because the temperature was 36 degrees with windchill factored in, but the experience left me a bit cold. It seemed that every other vegetable was a pumpkin. I wasn't quite taken in by all the pierogies and sausage. And this stand even made me nostalgic for all those brightly-colored Peruvian handknits.

Winnipeg's answer to brightly-colored Peruvian handknits:

Cowboys

New York has the Naked Cowboy. Winnipeg has this dude who hangs around the bathroom.

You Can't Do This In Winnipeg...

I've just posted about my attempt to make my Winnipeg-born baby into a sophisticated man-about-Manhattan.

Another Difference Between NYC and Winnipeg

NYC actively creates media content. Winnipeg tries to repel it. (In fact, so does most of Canada; it's a wonder that there's HBO and an Amazon.com fulfillment center here. There was a lot of opposition to their being in Canada.)

High School Teacher Hijinks

Well, here is a similarity between Winnipeg and NYC; some of the high school teachers should find a new profession. In Winnipeg, a couple of them simulated a highly evocative lapdance at a pep rally, and in NYC, a janitor found two teachers naked in a classroom.

New York is to Mace as Winnipeg is to...

...bear spray. Who knew that this innocuous product had such insidious urban uses.

It's 14 degrees outside...

...and most people aren't even wearing hats.

(In NYC, it's 50 degrees.)

ETA: One day later, December 5, it's... 1 degree outside. "But it's a dry cold!" say many Winnipeggers when you ask about the winter temperatures. "Not like that bone-chilling humidity in NYC that really goes through your bones." Want to guess what the humidity is in Winnipeg right now, at 1 degree Fahrenheit?

92%.

A New Yorker and a Winnipegger Switch Places

New Yorkers are often thought of as being rude. Winnipeggers, or Canadians in general, are usually seen as polite, or at least not antisocial. Yesterday I was in a situation in which there was a role reversal.

I was on my way to the Polo Park Mall (where I was soon to find that a pair of boots that costs $139 in the states is a whopping $259 in Canada, but that's another story). I embarked on the Number 11 bus. In front of me was a kindly-looking old woman with a couple of bags. She sat down in a two-seater, placed her bags next to the window, and sat in the aisle.

I'm nine months pregnant, so I didn't think it would be too much to ask if she might move into the window seat. In my best facsimile of Canadian civility, I asked the woman, "I'm nine months pregnant. May I please sit down?"

She began rustling her belongings. I thought she was moving into the window seat, but instead she got up in a huff, and in a true Prairie accent, exploded, "Oh, this fucking CRAP ALL THE TIME!"

After my initial shock, I was actually gratified.

Quiz: Are You A New Yorker or a Winnipegger?

A. Multiple Choice

1. It's 30 degrees Fahrenheit out (-1.1 degrees Celsius). Is it

a) autumn
b) winter

2. What kind of outerwear is suitable for this temperature?
a) a light jacket
b) a down coat

B. Audio-Visual Portion

Record yourself pronouncing the words on this Winnipeg travel agency sign and send them to me. I will then determine, withoot a doot, whether you are a New Yorker or a Winnipegger.

More Random Observations

• There is no mail delivery on Saturdays. (!!!)

• Smokers make up a large percentage of the population of Winnipeg.

• There is no such thing as a discounted "lunch special"... so forget about that $4.99 chicken chow mein with egg drop soup; it'll cost you at least $10.

• Rooibos tea is quite popular.

• It's almost impossible to buy an individual stick of butter. It mostly comes in half-pound slabs.
  

• Almost all Winnipeggers from ages 15-20 have a very painful-looking facial piercing (or four) as well as an extensive body tattoo. (During the few weeks of summer, they actually have the opportunity to expose this skin art. Otherwise, it stays safely hidden behind a 700-fill goose down parka.)

• Many middle-aged female Winnipeggers sport the spiky "Kate" haircut (of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight").
  

• Did you know that -40 degrees Celsius and -40 degrees Fahrenheit are the same thing? (Isn't it great that you've never had to know this?)
  

Random Observations

Here are some random observations, some of which compare NYC and Winnipeg.

• It snowed a little today. It's October 8.

• Here, Thanksgiving is October 12. (I expect EVERYTHING to be closed.)
  

• Free bus transfers in Winnipeg only last an hour (as opposed to two hours in NYC), so you can't use that crafty Manhattan tactic of squeezing two trips onto one transfer (no taking the Lexington Avenue bus downtown and then going back up on the 6 train).

• NYC was built for pedestrians. Winnipeg was built for cars; according to Wikipedia, there's a municipal law which mandates that all new buildings contain large amounts of parking between the sidewalk and the building itself.
  

• At Staples stores in NYC, the printer ink is located behind the cash register. Winnipeg Staples stores apparently have more faith in their customers' honesty, so you can pick up your own ink in the ink aisle.

• Canadian banks hold onto your funds forever when you deposit a check (especially if it's a U.S. check). I deposited such a check on Sept. 30 and the funds were listed as being held until Oct. 23.

• Conveniently, Winnipeg post offices are located at the drug store. So you can send your Canadian pharmaceuticals to your U.S. relatives.
  

• In NYC, a cashier can't wait to get rid of you. In Winnipeg, a cashier will ask you for your phone number. He isn't trying to pick you up, though. He wants to know if you are a member of the store's "club" (this happens almost everywhere - pharmacy, grocery, health food store, etc.). Then, when you say you're not a member, you are asked which charity you would like to donate to. Even French fry places get into the act - the "New York" fries vendor at the Polo Park Mall sports a sign that says, "Help prevent childhood cancer." Somehow, I doubt stuffing your kid's face with French fries will help with this.
  

Differences Between New York City and Winnipeg

As you can probably imagine, there are many ways in which New York and Winnipeg differ. (Some things are the same in both cities; there are lots of people begging for change.) Here are a couple:


1. To a New Yorker, the sign on the left usually means, "There are thirty-six people before me who already got their pound of pastrami, and if this freakin' line doesn't start moving any faster, I'm outta here."

To a Winnipegger, the sign means, "I think I'll wait patiently in this chair at the Health Science Centre Hospital Blood Lab." Yes, to have your blood drawn, you get a number just like at a New York deli. (This is kind of unrelated, but the hospital is also a popular place to play the lottery.)

2. New Yorkers have Crocs. Winnipeggers have...

NEW YORKER DUPES WINNIPEG

Apparently New Yorkers have been rubbing Winnipeg the wrong way since at least 1911.