What Happens If You Slip

This is a typical unshoveled Winnipeg sidewalk. As you can imagine, it's very difficult to navigate. Today I saw a 60-year-old man lying flat on his back on the road next to the sidewalk. I wondered if he'd had a heart attack while trying to walk - I'm sure it's happened before. But I think he'd just slipped and fallen, as he was lucid.

A couple young men called the police for the man. Two policemen arrived, parked their car in front of the man, and told him that they couldn't do anything, as they weren't medically trained. They said that at least they'd blocked the road - but they hadn't really done that. To really block the man's supine form from oncoming traffic, they would've had to park their car sideways and lay some cones down on the ground. But the way they were parked, a car could have easily swerved around them and hit the man.

Five minutes passed. A fire truck arrived. The firemen produced a blanket with which they covered the man, and then they drove away. The man continued to lie in the road in 10-degree weather (-24 with the windchill). I don't know how long he lay there, or who (if anyone) finally figured out a way to get him off of the road, but I was watching the scene for at least 15 minutes.

How About Some Whipped Cream and Jimmies On Your Steak?

Here's another example of the peculiar predilection for overly sweet flavors I find at many Winnipeg restaurants. Shrimp with pineapple, grapes and peaches, really? Might as well add some chocolate syrup, whipped cream and a maraschino cherry on there. And this is one of the better restaurants in Winnipeg.

A Real Taste of Winnipeg

I was talking to a couple of Winnipeg moms the other day when the subject of bannock came up. "What on earth is that?" I asked. "It's a popular food in Winnipeg," they said. So, what exactly is this local delicacy? It's a fried bread made with melted lard that has long been, um, "enjoyed" by fur traders. I assume that whoever came up with this idea suffered from a bad case of tastebud frostbite. These days, bannock is often eaten by survivalists and the nutty outdoorsmen who celebrate the annual Festival du Voyageur, which is held in a park during the coldest month of the year (check out the appealing menu that festivalgoers will enjoy when they're finished sampling all the pea soup recipes). Incidentally, one of the other exciting activities at this festival is a beard-growing contest - I imagine it's kind of like watching paint dry. (Sort of like living in Winnipeg.)

Today's Weather

Temperature in NYC right now: 32 degrees. Temperature in Winnipeg: -15. (That's without windchill.) I don't think I'm going out today.

Strolling in the Tundra

There are some saving graces about Winnipeg, but you'll have to dig for them under feet of snow. (Literally! Have you ever tried navigating a stroller through snowdrifts over sheets of ice?) One such saving grace is the Wolseley Family Centre, which provides a supportive place for frazzled mothers and their 0-6-year-olds. There's a playroom with a daily snack hour for kids, free cooking classes, a baby music class, and more. Unfortunately, the centre, ahem, center, is also home to some of the more troubled elements of Winnipeg society. A friend of mine had a homeless man remark on the physical beauty of her baby and indicate his desire to touch her, and today an unhinged woman on the couch was ranting about how her partner needed to have sex with a different woman every day.

It Isn't All Baconnaise

One popular delicacy which is found at Winnipeg Safeways is Baconnaise. This culinary travesty can be poured on anything from iceberg lettuce to French fries. But I'd like to use this post to write about some of the good food you can find in town, although I assume you're never going to eat it, since you're not going to visit.

True, there are a lot of heartbreakingly bad restaurants, and places that seem promising until you hit the main course, but there are a few bright spots. In my opinion, the best foodie-type places are Segovia, a nouveau tapas place, Billabong, an adventurous Australian restaurant in a dive-bar atmosphere, and the Inn at the Forks, which offers a side of jazz with the food. You can get a good steak at Hermano's. Avoid Sydney's, which clumsily executes a seemingly haute cuisine menu, every Italian restaurant including Buccaccino's, Mona Lisa and Bellissimo, and almost all Thai restaurants (except Bangkok Thai Restaurant - this place is consistently good). At Fude, the food is mostly too sweet (people have a fondness for cranberries on top of everything here).

For more casual fare, the various Stella's locations offer a pretty good breakfast (although the pancakes are overrated - they're much better at Billabong's brunch). (Note: Do NOT order eggplant parmesan at Stella's; it's the worst I've ever had.) There are good egg wraps and smoothies at Fresh Cafe, although I'm not a fan of the home fries or sweet potato latkes. At The Forks, there is a surprisingly good fish and chips stand. Confusion Corner Bar & Grill has good sweet potato fries and bison back ribs. Baked Expectations sells terrific cakes and cheesecakes, while Lilac Bakery (fashioned after Magnolia) and the new Cupcake Barista (bizarre name) have excellent cupcakes. Burritos Del Rio is fresh and cheap (it's sort of like Chipotle). Good Chinese food is scattered around town, but you will probably find most places disappointingly bland. Tasty Indian food is much easier to find - most people fancy the East India Company or Clay Oven. For Japanese, there are only two or so Japanese-owned restaurants, and one seems to be slipping. I've always had decent meals at Edohei, however.

(I was not impressed by any of the food I ate in St. Boniface, the nominally French area, but I have not eaten at In Ferno's, the most well-known eatery there.)

Before I close, I should mention that you really can't get a decent bagel with lox and cream cheese here, and certainly not a good knish or bowl of matzo ball soup. I am a New Yorker, after all...

Cabs

Here's just another little note. Cabs in Winnipeg are actually more expensive than those in NYC. In Winnipeg, the starting fare is $3.50, as opposed to $2.50 (although NYC cabs never used to have a nighttime charge or an extra fee that is supposedly going to the MTA), and it goes up in ten-cent increments about every other second.

Also, if you want to pay with a credit card in Winnipeg, the cab driver will pull out one of those ancient carbon-copy thingamajigs and hand you a pen that is running out of ink - nothing automated here.

One Advantage to Winnipeg

After a brutal 12-hour trip from NYC (flight delays oh my!), I naturally caught a bad cold. The only medication that usually works on me is Allegra, and I wondered how I might get some. Would I have to submit to an onerous clinic visit in order to get a prescription?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Allegra is available at Shoppers Mart without a prescription. In the U.S., people use it to make crystal meth, but it's so damn expensive in Canada that people sniff hairspray or glue instead. So, people who are genuinely suffering have an effective weapon in their arsenal against sinus symptoms.

It's "Bearly" Believable...

...that someone would want to visit Manitoba. But here it is, more evidence that the province's PR campaign has New Yorkers in its sights. I personally know a couple who traveled to the town of Churchill to see polar bears. (Apparently, this small community of 4,000 people pays $4 for a loaf of Wonder Bread.)

ETA: I'm back in Winnipeg for the winter. The blizzard in NYC actually prepared me for it.